It's just not pizza without cheese.

Straight from the headlines

2010-03-17T05:13:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been finding news stories that should be country songs.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1257171/Holy-smoke-Bank-worker-saved-divine-intervention-finds-Jesus-frying-pan.html

I found The Lord in my bacon,
I know a convert he was makin'
A love sweeter than hickory blend
His love stays with me to the end
And wakes me up before I catch on Faaaar!

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/03/16/kentucky.oven.baby/index.html?hpt=T2

"High on weed and drunk on whiskey, in the oven goes my baby..."

Still working on the next lyrics.

2010-03-09T12:38:00.000-08:00

Why do I always force new friends to watch Midget Mania 2? I guess I like to test their manliness before we commit to regular hanging out. Momma don't raise no sissies...

tl;dr

2010-02-13T02:00:00.000-08:00

Leg healed, scum skimmed, bachelorette pad coming along, now blogging at 5 am NOT ON A WORK DAY with someone else's dog asleep in my lap gurgling adorably. Let's hear it for dinosaur footie jammies with rubber nubbies on the feets so I don't slip in the kitchen. Life is good.

The tyranny of pea-fowl

2009-07-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4531242n&tag=contentMain;contentBody

Misfortune

2009-07-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

The lace in my underpants has just busted, and now I have to tie it together to keep them on. I am a professional, damnit. This recession is the pits.

Fuck you all

2009-06-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

I like Willow, GoddaMMNIT!

New perspective

2009-06-07T06:29:00.000-07:00

1. If you make a big deal about positive behavior, people/pets/monkeys are more likely to perform positive behavior. If the only attention your person/pet/monkey receives is when they act poorly, they will continue to act poorly.
2. There is a difference between several jelly-beans and several abortions.
3. I miss this lady. I want her to come back to Georgia and ride roller coasters with me.
4. I'm never too old to enjoy a poop-joke.
5. I am, however, too old to enjoy a poop-joke at dinner.
6. Teenagers are incapable of really planning for the future, but they may be able to understand consequences. Too much concern about consequences can produce anxiety, too little concern can be seen as oppositional. Parents need to establish and consistently reinforce rules. If parents have control over their children, their children will learn to have control over themselves.
7. You will always recognize the sound of the ice-cream man.
8. No class of people is ever too good to sexually abuse children or animals. Humans are pretty gross.
9. Try not to let thinking like that make you hate the world; rather, let it help you really appreciate the kind, generous, thoughtful, creative, and wonderful people out there that really do exist.
10. If people just learned to really listen to each other, they would need a lot less counseling.
11. The truly dangerous are people who cannot empathize with others.
12. Anonymity and an audience will turn the nicest people into douchebags. Appreciate those that express opinions with grace and tact.
13. You are allowed to freak out/feel sorry for yourself for 30 minutes. After that, you must formulate a plan/be grateful you have a face.

Oh yeah

2009-05-06T05:34:00.001-07:00

this is still here

Breaking news

2009-04-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

To quote an old friend of mine:

i cant even enjoy the shamwow commercial anymore. its tainted with prostitute blood and pieces of lip.

Wedding party outfits

2009-03-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

These:
http://www.zubaz.com/index.htm

With these:
http://p4cmtshirts.bigcartel.com/

Geek it up

2009-03-14T16:53:00.001-07:00

Happy Pi day!

Sensitivity

2009-02-19T12:25:00.000-08:00

Me: I don't feel so great. I think I might be coming down with the same thing you had.

Josh: Well, I'll eat the rest of your cake for you. I'd do that for you.

(with mouth full of cake)

Josh: Bathroom's over there, in case you need it.

Creativity

2009-02-15T09:31:00.000-08:00

I wonder if their performance of this was reflected in their seasonal bonuses. "Johnson, that was kick-ball change on the 8 beat! Get your head out of your ass and start behaving like a GOD-DAMN PROFESSIONAL! And one, two, three..."

Find the cheese ball in the can endorsement. I loved those.

Near the end, the leggy brunette totally goes in for a high five and gets DENIED!

I love clever people.

"Somebody say HO!"

"If more people had ducks..."

2009-01-26T06:19:00.001-08:00

And now I want a duck

Parenting

2008-12-18T20:59:00.000-08:00

I hope they at least sanitized their sex dolls before they photographed them with their daughter to put on Ebay. IT'S A SET!

Oh yeah

2008-12-13T14:48:00.001-08:00

I'm moving in with this guy, ie: SHACKIN' UP! He's so cute.

*well that didn't work out too great

INTIMACY!

2008-12-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

TwoDaLoo - A Supertoilet That Saves Rocky Marriages and The Planet

The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.

I love my manfriend as much as anything, but the last thing I want to do is look him deep in the eyes while we both drop a moat-mole in our $1,4000 toilet all the while watching this week's Heros and setting the iPod to Coldplay. There are some things I really just want to do by myself.

CR STARTED A TREND BACK IN THE DAY!

2008-12-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

Calif. KFC workers in hot water after sink baths

Email this Story

Dec 10, 9:19 PM (ET)

ANDERSON, Calif. (AP) - Three employees of a Kentucky Fried Chicken have been suspended for bathing in a deep sink used to clean dishes. The prank was discovered after one of the young women posted photos on a social networking site of the trio posing and cavorting in the steaming water in their underwear and swim wear.

The photos were filed in a gallery called "KFC moments." Captions included "haha KFC showers!" and "haha we turned on the jets."

A manager of the fast-food restaurant said the three were reprimanded and suspended Tuesday. She said no manager was on duty when the photos were taken as the three had closed the restaurant for the night.

Every time I see something like this I love you even more, Laser-Beaman.

2008-11-29T20:14:00.001-08:00

Oh yeah

2008-11-29T07:46:00.000-08:00

I forgot about this little blog for a while like when you put away all your summer clothes for winter and maybe late November start rummaging around for that sweater you hoped you didn't give away when you were really fat last year and BAM you find your red short sleeve shorts combo jumper that you have to completely remove to go to the bathroom but insist on wearing it all the time. Yeah; like that. Christ my cat got huge.

And I've discovered I get this weird lazy eye in pictures when I'm drunk. My friend Andrew gets it too. So I guess its not that big a thing. See:

I'm so classy I know.

One more prime example.

Absolute ridic half open eye action. Always present. As is this face I make sometimes:

At concerts or in costume:

Yup, don't know what that's about.

I'm curious too

2008-11-12T17:26:00.001-08:00

athens, GA craigslist > missed connections

please flag with care:

miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist

Please report suspected exploitation of minors to the appropriate authorities

Who pissed in my computer? reward (athens, east campus area)

Reply to: pers-916726689@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-11-12, 7:08PM EST

I went to bed last night, immediately after lowering the screen on my laptop, and stacking 1 notebook, and four dvd cases atop it. When I woke up this morning, I removed four dry dvd cases and one dry notebook from atop my computer and opened it, at which time a stream of what i can only imagine is urine trickled down the screen. Picking it up, I found that this mysterious liquid has soaked through the case, effectively destroying my computer forever. I've spent the day touching, smelling and otherwise examining this copious liquid dripping from my laptop, and I've concluded that it can only be urine. I'm baffled as to how this could have happened. I'm left only to conclude that someone has entered my apartment in the dead of night, bypassed my roommate's open and unprotected computer, to remove all the things atop my laptop, open it, piss in it, and meticulously replace all the objects originally there back on top. My offer is this: I will pay you, pee bandit, 30 dollars to come forth and reveal yourself. I don't want to prosecute, I won't report you to the police, i won't even ask you to get your tech-savvy brother to help me fix it, I just want you to ease my worried mind and tell me the reasoning behind this mysterious leaking of your piss into my keyboard. 30 bucks man. come on.

Location: athens, east campus area
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 916726689

Not too marginal to Facebook

2008-10-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

I have a new friend via my friend who went on a school trip to Ghana this summer:

dear Katie,
i am very happy to mail you. how areyou? hoping this mail founds you and your friends in very good of health as i am not too bad here in Ghana.
i have full for you in my haert.i will love you and send happiness to your face.
thank you.
felix

(from Facebook)

Then I got this today:

Dear Katie,
thank you for your reply.Katie i need someone to team up and set up
an ORPHANAGE here in Ghana.
hoping to hear from you soon.
thank you.
your new friend,
Felix

Always with the want want want- Katie, can I have some of your beer? Katie, can you drive me to the pharamcist for Plan B? Hey Katie, can you take a look at this rash and tell me what it is? Katie- can you build me an orphanage?

What about what I want, people? MY NEEDS!!!

Where are the weird japanophiles when you need them?

2008-10-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've found the cutest and most awesome clothes from this website in Japan (myfashionshow.net) and I want to order everything on the site but its half in Japanese and half in English. If anyone knows how I can order these in the equivalent of an 8 please let me know!

Also, this:

And this top in what I'm sure is size Fatty Fatty Bo-Batty American:

Yeah...I just...yeah

2008-10-24T16:48:00.001-07:00

via videosift.com

"It's mine now!"

2008-10-22T17:27:00.000-07:00

I love it when cartoons become real life!

BLUE ASH, Ohio (AP) - Police in Ohio say an 89-year-old woman was facing a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children accused her of refusing to give back their football. Edna Jester was arrested last week in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash.

Police said one child's father complained that Jester kept the youngsters' ball after it landed in her yard. Police Capt. James Schaffer said there has been an ongoing dispute in the neighborhood over kids' balls landing in the woman's yard.

Jester said Monday she has received many calls and didn't have time to discuss the matter any more.

Jester is to appear in court next month. The maximum penalty for a petty theft conviction in Ohio is six months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

I hope she boxed their ears and called them whipper-snappers.

Meet Kevin Howellenberg

2008-10-06T19:01:00.001-07:00

Yes, her name is Kevin. She's small enough to fit in a fanny pack and HAS TO BE on boobs to sleep. She is a new addition to the House of Katie clan.

See- I actually was there.

2008-09-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

I know, right.

Poor prognosis

2008-09-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

After doing a rudimentary job search in my field that didn't require licensure and wasn't DFCS I got so depressed at the positions and salaries I actually looked through an escort site for an application. My looming student loans are making me think whoring is a viable option.

Maybe this depression/existential crisis resulted from the fact I threw-up in my car this morning due to a new anti-depressant mixed with Enviga and an empty stomach. I had an empty box on my front seat for some reason and I was running too late to my internship to be able to pull over to barf. That rationale actually went through my mind. I now know that there is never a better reason to not barf in some container in your car simply for the fact that you will have to drive with your barf-box strapped in your front seat like a child because you don't want it to accidently spill until you can find a dumpster private enough so that people don't see you throwing away a box of vomit.

Another to add to the list of things you should never be wearing when having to puke:
You grown up job suit

UGH!!!

2008-09-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

I think right now I'm having the silent mental equivalent of the little kid in the grocery store BORED out of his mind and lying on the floor screaming for cocoa pebbles. I WANT SOME FUCKING PEBBLES!

ON another note: Things you should never be wearing when you are vomiting...

1. Wedding dress
2. Fake beard and mustache
3. Graduation ensemble
4. Bathing suit
5. Church shoes
6. Baseball uniform
7. Jazz boots
8. Neck brace
9. Head gear

any others?

House of FUNNY!!! Update

2008-08-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

New terminology for floating Cosby babies:

Take a rodent and pair it with a body of water as in "Sorry guys, no more cheese for me. I gotta go drop some mote moles like no one's bidness."

or

"Ever since I quit smoking I've become so irregular. Even Activia can't squeeze that pack of swamp hamsters outta me in the morning."

Try it! It's fun!!!

K & K's house of FUNNY!!!

2008-08-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

At K & K's house of FUNNY (!!!) there are but three simple rules:

1. All characters welcome as long as they are taken to their full funny (!!!) potential.

2. There shall be no criticism for silliness, but much chiding if maximum silliness is not achieved.

3. No audience necessary, but encouraged*.

*Audience participation includes sharing smokables and edibles.

No you weren't

2008-08-24T16:55:00.000-07:00

My Roomie

2008-08-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

Shoo- that white girl sho can dance.

This man could be your Dad

2008-08-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

Check out homes with the sweet patch. He is ROCKIN'!!!

Thanks Sweden

2008-08-16T23:13:00.001-07:00

Sweden relaxes rules on givings kids unusual names

Email this Story

Aug 12, 10:56 AM (ET)

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Swedish authorities say parents can now name their newborns "Budweiser" or "Metallica" if they so wish.

For decades, Swedish tax authorities had banned parents from naming their children after fast food chains, rock bands or their favorite brand of beer.

But tax authority spokesman Lars Tegenfeldt says the guidelines have been relaxed. He says "there is nothing negative about a name like Coca-Cola or McDonald's today. In the 1970s, maybe it was."

Still, authorities are drawing the line at giving children swear words for names. And forget about naming your child God, Allah or Devil.

My daughter's name WILL be Taco Bell. It's where I met her daddy.

I think.

I'm done

2008-08-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

I can't go on hating him anymore but I also can't forgive him. I can't laugh at him or cry over him. I'm going to forget him and hope this constant nausea is only an ulcer and not something worse.

Craigslist Connectch

2008-08-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

"Would like to pleasure you in a non-threating way"

I think this m4m 30 is lying to the Ingles Policeman.

MUSCHRAMS!!!

2008-07-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

Holy Christ I love science so musch!!!!

An observation

2008-07-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've reverted back tot he days of watching internet porn on Sundays....'cause everyone needs a ritual, I guess.

There's something about watching peoples' amateur videos. Grainy, imperfect, unexplained popping noises.

But the best part of these videos is by far the hand selected soundtracks these couples choose. You'd think someone open about their sexuality and confident enough about watching their poorly lit and pale bodies writhing on a couch filmed by the same camera that captures family moments would be a little more liberal in their choice of music to fuck to.

I'm sick of watching dorm room sex peppered with the most ridiculous music: you can usually bet on two types of music.

Guys' choice: something ridiculously techno and gothy.
Girls' choice: top 40, sometimes Coldplay.

What's even better is when their is some editing, and they put a soundtrack over their footage.
It's never something pleasant. It's more like elevator music, or something from a shitty video game.

Why not some classic jazz? Or, as cliched as it always is, Portishead? Massive Attack?

I can't possibly be turned on watching you get down knowing that you're listening to Dave Matthews Band.

Another lonely Saturday night....

2008-07-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

And here's the first sign of the apocalypse...

2008-07-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

In other news

2008-07-24T09:14:00.001-07:00

Morton Slutsky gave an ex boyfriend of mine's food a superb review. Slutsky. Slutsky...Slutsky...slutsky.

Boop

2008-07-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

Tracy Lords' techno album is the perfect mom-repellent.

They always get so mad when you tell them about sexual assault statistics and the price of mandals

2008-07-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

Brooke's little brother: I'm in a fraternity, not a frat. Do you call your country a cunt?

Me: Um...yes.

An uncomfortable apology

2008-07-05T15:21:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I almost broke your nose trying to fart on your head.

TV: One in three men will have prostate problems.
Me: OMG You're going to have prostate problems.
Josh: How do you know?
Me: 'Cuz you're one in three men.
Josh: What?
Me: Yeah, if you're in a room with three other dudes, you'd be one of 'em.

I think its time for me to stop smoking so much drugs.

This will be the summer of the first date

2008-06-27T09:39:00.001-07:00

This sex offender could be your next blind date

I've been on two blind dates this week. Blind in that I've never met them the conventional way. Through "the site" we've chatted. Date number one was an English major. Wrote poetry. Was advised to not get published until graduate school so as not to offend his professors. Sushi and beer. A stop at the comic book store. Again, no romance. But I did make an ass of myself when he went in for the obligatory hug and I tickled him instead. I felt myself doing it and my mind protested but I just couldn't stop myself. Date number two turned out to be a friend of a friend of a friend. He is one of those bike as only transportation for reals camping folks. We were going to get together earlier, but he went camping by himself that last night and biked 40 miles to Watkinsville and almost had to battle a wild pig. Me? Well...uhh, I bought a vintage Gucci saddle-bag and smoked a lot of pot. Oh, and I made an entire pot of vegan chili simply to apply it to vegan hot-dogs. Yeah- I've been eating like a fat kid, only I can justify it because I've been eating vegan for a little over a month. Fake ice-cream and hot dogs.
Natch there was no romance. He had calves live whole sides of beef. It was intimidating.
I made my profile more specific. Lately I've been getting emails from people who immediately give me they're phone numbers at 3 in the morning even after I tell them I don't do coke. Its ok I just want to chat maybe get to know you better do you have any other pictures?
I've all but given up dating in this town- either people are going to barf on me and steal my beer or they're going to watch me when I sleep.

Where the hell do I meet the happy medium of that scenario in a town where every social avenue requires intoxication for it to be fun?

Hey guys

2008-06-25T19:07:00.001-07:00

This is my new boyfriend.

2008-06-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

staring contest

So last week I went on date for reals date with a dating sight find. It was nice. He wasn't an asshole, nor did he leave in the middle of the date to do blow in his Honda. We didn't want for conversation, nor did I have to power-drink to find him interesting. No chemistry whatsover, though. That's okay. The other next night I went downtown and wore amazing wedge-cork platforms and short-shorts. Needless to say fell on my ass in front of White Columns. The whores were even laughing at me. In my wake I fell on my camera, rendering it otherwise broke to shit. Sprained the ankle and got sweet road rash on my arm. Alas, no way to document it.

So...until I find a better than point in shoot digi that's not so awesome I cry when I inevitably break this one, the illustrations for my next couple of posts will be old pictures I had in the mems.

Saw some musak, got the ears lowered., went vegan. It's been a busy month.

Additional ramblings.

2008-06-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

Which is true...

Fancy Nightgown action

But my makeup is fancier

And the belly full of pickles! 5 calories! You'll miss this front-butt, I know.

Saw a very cute boy while engaged in commerce. He had the word "Huff" written across his knuckles. Wanted to strike up a convosh by asking if the other knuckles said "Puff" but realized he was missing all the fingers on his other hand.

Ramblings

2008-06-09T19:24:00.000-07:00

Today I walked to campus from my house and back. It was a good walk. I'm toasted and freckly. Someone asked me on a date. That's nice.

Tofu hotdogs taste NOTHING like real hotdogs but def. help you not attack your friends' turkey burgers during your vegan fasting.

Junior prom dress, here I come!

Actual goats on the roof

2008-06-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Hipster Hunter

inetweb post it #???

2008-06-03T22:47:00.001-07:00

i would run away with you...if it starts

A convosh

2008-05-31T09:31:00.000-07:00

Watching Cheater's marathon on G4

Josh: I really hope that girl on Attack of the Show is actually into video games and isn't just faking it for her job.

Me: She's not. She's too hot.

Josh: The girl who holds the Guinness record for Mrs. Pac-man is smokin' hot. She's my dream girl.

Me: I thought I was your dream girl.

Josh: You win the Guinness world record for Mrs. Pac-man and then come back to me.

::tickle fight ensues::

Josh: You caint git me, I turtled up!!

2008-05-30T19:37:00.000-07:00

I used to date this dude...

I saw this and kind of couldn't stop laughing.

My weekend

2008-05-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

No dates; no love; no weirdos on craigslist.

But I did get drunk with the GBF during the daytime and took an impromptu road trip with Drunky to Cherokee, NC on Sunday. Here are some pictures from the shenanigans.

Pictures taken from above always make you look like a a dumbass.

The poor man's Segway

I'm wearing his mother's shirt from Epcot circa 80 something.

There's goats on this roof.

Yep. Right there. On the roof.

Here is a goats on the roof action shot.

Look, there's a goat on that roof!

There's drunks on the roof, too.

We ended up at Harrah's casino. Unfortunately (or fortunately- I haven't decided) there was no photography allowed. I was like a kid in a white trash candy store. I've never felt thinner or prettier. You could smoke anywhere. There were ashtrays by the toilets and dirty syringe receptacles in the lounges. Diabetes is rampant in Cherokee. I saw a 600 pound woman reclining on a couch, oxygen tank in one hand, Virgina Slim in the other. I drank so much free Diet Pepsi.

It was really late before we left and almost spent the night in a motel with a gun as its logo.

I want to have my wedding there.

Watch out Athens

2008-05-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It's like the pot calling the kettle hipster. But I like this guy. I like to think maybe his name is Hunter. I'll refer to him as Hunter. Happy hunting!

Will these get me laid?

2008-05-22T12:02:00.001-07:00

Things I bought today and their ability to get me laid*.

Sex-potential will be rated on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being "knee deep in sexy fun" and 10 being "crazy cat lady celibacy".

*I am no photographer.

I went shopping today...

Ability to get me laid: 5
This is a neutral rating. On the one hand, I'm out in public. On the other, I don't think I'll really ever be able to pick up quality mens that are into me at Old Navy. It's a shot in the dark, really.

I bought a book on sale, Douglas Coupland.

Ability to get me laid: 3
This shows I'm literate. I've read somewhere that guys are into girls who can read.

Floor length white nightgown.

Ability to get me laid: 9
You might ask yourself, "Maybe it looks better on?"
Well, it doesn't. There is nothing really sexy about this nightgown. It's not see-through. It's not low cut. I might be able to have sex with a guy who has a Laura Ingalls Wilder fetish, but then who really wants to have sex with someone that into Little House on the Prairie. Nope. Nothing says "Sex? Oh, no thank you. The cats are watching," quite like a floor length white cotton nightgown. It gets a 9 only because I didn't opt for the model with sleeves.

Undies, camisole, pink sandals.

Ability to get me laid: 2+5+7= 14/3= 4.66
The undies, I think, are totally cute and sexy. They were on sale so I had to buy them a little big. That might be a preemptive 2 until I try them out in the field. Maybe they'll hug just right (in which case I need to walk more) or they'll ride down uncomfortably and I'll spend an entire day searching for my lost panties in my jeans.
The tank top is pretty neutral. It's this poo-brown on black pattern that's somewhat low cut. I could totally not wear makeup and still look kinda slutty in this shirt, but its poop colored so that reduces its score.
Pink sandals. Unless he has a foot fetish**, I don't think these will increase my chances of dancing the no pants dance.
This purchase gets a 4.66 overall for its ability to get me laid. New clothes and undies make me feel confident, but I'm going to have to do my toes for the sandals.

Delicious shampoo, bar soap, body wash, moisturizing hair mask.

Ability to get me laid: 4
I will be able to toss my luxuriously full and soft hair around for the encroaching hotties. The bar soap is that all natural kind with flower seeds embedded in the all natural packaging so that when you've opened a fresh bar you can toss the box into your garden and have pretty flowers. Boys that like girls who think green rarely use soap, so this may be a moot purchase if my intentions are to attract hempies. So I also went for a commercial body wash that smells like fruit and grass to attract them. They don't have to know it was tested on animals. Probably.

Hair dye, jump-rope, hangers.

Ability to get me laid: 4+3+5= 12/3= 4

The hair dye (4) is to cover up the one gray hair I'm starting to get and to cover up last Summer's Tracy Turnblatt style highlights that still won't go away. I will be the even toned, dark, rich, mysterious brunette (with fruit-salad smelling hair) of their dreams.
The jump rope (3) is so I can be working on my fitness. Cardio is good for the bod, not for the boobs. It's hard to try on sports bras when they come in packs of 3 at Target, and are held together by those little T shaped plastic bullets. We'll see how the ladies stack up***.
Hanger. Well, at least this will get all of my clothes off the floor. Not really encouraging or discouraging my ability to find a suitable doing it partner, but definitely messing up my feng shui.

So there you have it. Today's purchases and their self rated ability to get me laid.

**I had a blind date once with a man who offered to give me a foot massage and then licked my foot.

***Stack-boobs? HA HA!!

Craigslist poet

2008-05-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone able to translate? I think he confused aspiring with perspiring.

Perspiring pohyet sikhs inspeereshion..

I will be yoh naight in shyning ahma
Yoh Brutus to yoh Seazar
I will be yoh Ahkhiliz to yoh hill.
Yoh vahli to yoh shadoh of derth

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this guy has confused his historical figures and stories. An Achilles heel is not always a sexy thing, Pohyet. And Brutus killed "Seazar". Not sexy.

Tehndaness, sofness, rayging pahshin
Switness, blis, unbileevable ecshin.
Perspire me too wraight,
End I'll wraight every naight.

I really hope someone tells this person the difference between perspire and inspire. Unless of course its something glandular. Then maybe it shouldn't have so much attention drawn.

Imahgine eech mohning
Ahftah spehnding all naight snohring
Weiking up to my pohyetree
because you perspired me to wraight

Snoring is never sexy, sir.
Tehndaness, sofness, rayging pahshin
Switness, blis, unbileevable ecshin.
Perspire me too wraight,
End I'll wraight every naight.

There's that gland problem again....

Errohtic thots, gushing emohshions
Intimet wohdz, in exsighting propohshins.
Perspire me to wraight
End I'll wraigt every naight.

If your emotions gush, you should probably seek medical attention. Maybe get that sweating problem looked at, too.

Pleaze reespond with a pic.

Craigslist

2008-05-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

Is the internet equivalent of picking your nose in the car.

Hey, I was gnawing on a bone and just thought, "what the hell", I'm going to place an ad on Craigslist. My name is Butch and I would like to get my paws on a very nice bitch. I don't mind if she has offspring already. I love offspring. I like playing with them in the yard. I enjoy sniffing their butts, and sometimes I like to bite their necks ... it's all in a good day of fun. My perfect date would be to take my bitch to a nice garbage dump and eat leftovers. I love leftovers and I would love to be able to share a nice juicy half eaten pork chop with my fine bitch. After that maybe we can howl at the moon for a bit while we listen to the crickets chirp in the shrubs. And to cap off a nice romantic evening, I would like to go home and make love to my bitch behind the azalea bushes over beside the garage. The things I'm looking for in a good bitch are furry, nice pointed ears, and a good licker. She doesn't have to cook, but if she can bring me a nice dirty old shoe to chew on whenever I want it, that would be a plus ... especially, when I'm lying on the couch watching dog fighting. Lastly, I just want to say good luck to all the fine bitches out there who are looking for some nice faithful four-legged companionship. And one last thing, if you like to sleep around with all the other beasts in the neighborhood, don't bother responding.

Butch

P.S. I have a photo, and I have attached one of my master as well. His name is Ryon. If you don't like me, but you like him, you can write me and I promise I will tell him ASAP, ok? I'm the short one, by the way.

Location: Watkinsville
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 656917015

Hire this lady

2008-05-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

So about a week ago I went on a real-grown-up job interview with a D&A&MH rehab facility. I talked about pancakes and wore this expression. I think I got it, foshe.

Thank you internet

2008-05-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

www.boytaur.net

"Online resources for boytaurs, multilimbers, shapeshifters, and their friends."

So I had to check it out, both for Science and because cracked.com told me to.

HOLY SHIT!!!

Even boytaurs wear socks and sandals.

Wha??

2008-05-07T16:00:00.001-07:00

Where the hell did this rating thing come from? Do people actually read my pile of vain self righteous snobby literary masturbation?

Keep on keepin' on, I guess.

D-bag denial

2008-05-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

" Figured it was time for an update of sorts, although you are all still 99% fuckwads who wont read any of this and will just go straight to my tattoo pictures trying to see one of me and you'll get all pissy when I don't have one. So fuck you, don't talk to me. If somewhere in your profile you have "if you're not hot don't talk to me" fuck you, get off my page. If you're shallow, go fuck yourself and get off my page. If you're militant Christian, fuck you and your cross and get off my page. If you're gonna ask me for a picture.. then when I don't give you one piss and moan citing "it's not fair you saw mine" go fuck yourself with a chainsaw and get the holy bajeesus fuck off my page. It was your choice to put your picture up just like it's my choice not to give your sorry ass mine. You arn't worth my time or my photograph. Tired of you people and your endless shit.. EDIT: IF you say on your profile you "like having fun" I swear to the fucking nine layers of hell I will find you and stab you in the eye with a fork. No shit stupid you like having fun? ME FUCKING TO!! You people are so stupid."

He also says he loves Alton Brown. You can't be a total douche if you love the Mr. Wizard of cooking.

He was probably a high-school wrestler and totally wears jean shorts.

UPDATE: He added me to his favorites list. Sucker

Like the Dead Milkmen Song

2008-05-04T11:56:00.001-07:00

This is why comprehensive and honest sex-ed is desperately needed in schools.

Seriously.

Man, this guy is awesome

2008-05-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

Son my inter-friend is stationed in Iraq as an Arabic translator. Awesome:

"Word of the day: myxomatosis.

::virtual nerd-five:: [Bonus Fun Fact: The Arabic symbol for the numeral five is a dot in the middle of a line. Colloquially, this is used as slang for an anus, as the two look suspiciously alike. Don't ask an Arab to give you five.]"

He's good. Real good.

Stuck in my craw

2008-05-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

"Um, actually you don't live in a "music industry town." Nashville is an industry town. This is a music town. And in case you haven't heard, there are a lot of bands here that are having success in other places as well."

Hey Stranger,
So I struck another sour note with a stranger regarding the Athens' music scene. Let's go ahead and set the record straight:
Of course there are bands out of Athens that have made it. I get them listed to me almost nightly. I'm sure your band or your boyfriend/girlfriend/brother/sister/mother/father/cousin/manager/roomate's band is awesome, too. I'm sure they're so great they don't have to pay rent by the 1st or serve me my latte in a timely manner. People really take themselves so seriously. There is a big world out there beyond Pulaski. I promise.
It seems as if the downslope of Washington street is like this big pool party for people that probably weren't super cool in high school. Now that they've joined a band, they can finally show people how cool they actually are. They'll finally get the respect and appreciation they deserve. They've found their niche. Good for them. But it's predictable. And they dole out the same kind of snobbery the kids on Clayton do.
People treat musicians like demi-gods in this town. They're people just like you and me. Micheal Stipe falls off his bicycle like everyone else. Micheal Stipe gets the same penny-savers in the mail we all do. Believe me, I check his mailbox every night I stumble home.
It's a generalization, I know. A stereotype even. But you and I both know musicians in Athens are a dime a dozen. The truly special ones do indeed shine. But Joey Guitar Hero generally acts like a straight up D-bag whenever his craft is questioned, even though he misses band practice regularly , never follows through with his dream, and follows his luke-warm passion straight into a career at a diner. He is one of those guys who "insists he will make it but never does."
My dear stranger, you can't deny this town does that to people. It's great for the ones with drive, but will suck the life out of the ones who can't cut it. And those are the people I can't stand talking to; the ones who take themselves so seriously, but don't do a single serious thing with themselves.
Like everyone else, I'll sway to whomever is warbling on stage at Little Kings, Flicker, 4o Watt, wherever. They might be great. I might even like them. Hell, I might have them over and not say anything when they drink all my good whiskey. I wish the good ones the best of luck, hope the moderately talented folks get on the ball, and pray the bad ones shut the fuck up and pick the empty PBR cans they drop off of various stoops around Athens.
But that's just my opinion. I didn't go to your blog and leave bitchy comments. In fact, I like what you write. We obviously hate the same kind of people. We could probably chill. But don't take this place so seriously and get offended by a stranger's differing opinion. I know I don't.

Cheers,
Katie

Funny inter-friend

2008-05-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

=====seraphiend wrote=====
you could get bit by any radioactive animal and gain its super powers, what animal would you want to bite you?

I'm woefully ignorant of dinosaurs. I do, however, have a bunch of glow-in-the-dark, plastic dinosaurs on the bottom of the top bunk of the bunk bed in which I sleep on the bottom bunk... tracking? Anyway, I think that pretty much makes me an expert.

I'm not going to lie, it's outrageously sexy that you know what a gerund is. Talk nerdy to me.

I'm out of the country for the next four months. Want to be my internet friend?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would have to say not so much animal bite but powers from my own merit...like Batman. But not Keaton, Kilmer, Clooney, or Bale Batman, West-era Batman. The Batman that fights sharks and defeats Joker in a surfing contest. That Batman had it all. He even had various oceanic creature repellent sprays.

It appears as if your bed is lousy with dinos. HOT!!! You're 20 years old an still sleep in a bunk bed? HOTTER!!!

I know a lot of things, I'm not afraid. Where out of the country are you?

I'll totally be your interweb buddy.

::virtual high-five::

Peash homeslice.

YES!

2008-04-30T20:48:00.001-07:00

Check out this guy

2008-04-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Teero,
God, you have no idea how much I love guys who rap about what they're wearing today. GO DAWGS!!!

O, Tee-ro. You are the best rapper out of Elberton. I love how you "rep that Hollister"(Tee-ro, 2008).

Your spider-gel haircut and highlights let me know how stylish you are.

You must really work out. Look at those guns, stretchin' out that fresh 'Fitch tee. Mmmm.

College? Pff...who needs college when you gotta phat ride like your mom's Eclipse.

Your entourage of 14 year old girls means that you're the hottest date at the prom. I bet you've taken many a hand-job-ginity. I want you to take my hand-job-ginity.

So not only do you rap, but you've clearly proven there is an afterlife with these INCREDIBLE photos of REAL GHOSTS in Madison, GA.

This man has to be stopped. He is currently my Myspace number 1.

Good/Bad

2008-04-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

Good: Check those guns
Bad: Loves them Dawgs

Good: Has his own horse
Bad: Calls himself "coon-hunter"

Good: Only 20
Bad: Only 20

Good: Can fix stuff in my house
Bad: Has access to power-tools in the event he has to punish me for "lookin' at my cousin like that."

Elberton local, go fig.

Virtual passive-agressive

2008-04-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

=====Tree_Mugger wrote=====
Getting all the attention you want?

=====fightslikekatie wrote=====
totally, why?

=====Tree_Mugger wrote=====
Was going to offer more, of the in-person variety but you're well-stocked so nevermind

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Geez...talk about cold. No wonder these people are single.

Another This Guy

2008-04-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

YES!!!

If you don't want to call me, just call to tell me you don't want to call me.

2008-04-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

=====roastbeefguy wrote=====I think your profile is the pinnacle of hilarity, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to talk? My aim screen name is Roast Beef Guy and my email is (woops, left that up. don't email him qick-lookers, he's got it bad enough) I'd write more, but I'm a bit low on time at the moment.
Take it easy,
John
=====fightslikekatie wrote=====totes foshe homeslice. what's with the roast beef thing? if its a vagina joke, we can stop talking now.

=====roastbeefguy wrote=====No no no no, nothing like that. It started out a long time ago as something I found very humorous, and now is just an easy way for me to remember my screen names. I was an extra in the movie Road Trip and I had a "special" part that involved me sitting on a bench eating a Roast Beef sandwich. For some reason, the entire crew already knew who I was and referred to me as "The Roast Beef Guy." Then everyone started calling me The Roast Beef Guy and well, here we are today. I would never make a joke at a vagina's expense. They are too precious of things to be pointed and laughed at. :D
So, um, does that mean we can start talking? Cause that'd be pretty kickass.
-John

=====fightslikekatie wrote=====
Holy crap, you were an extra in Road Trip?? So were two of my friends. Stacy was in the tour group and Kim Fox was the check-out girl. Crazy...

=====roastbeefguy wrote=====That is pretty crazy, yeah. I used to know a lot of people that were in it, but most of them have moved on from Athens.
So, what, do you go to UGA or are you a native of Athens?

=====fightslikekatie wrote=====got my undergrad here and am getting the ole masters here. not townie yet.

=====roastbeefguy wrote=====So, did I run you off or are you just taking longer than the past couple emails to reply? I mean, if you have absolutely no interest in talking with me/getting to know me, that's cool, but I would appreciate it if you tell me. That way I'm not left wondering for a week or so when I'll finally forget that we ever talked.
I swear I am a lot funnier than I seem like on the fucking internet. I hate this shit. I'm like the Rodney Dangerfield of funny people.
-John

Woa...

I'm going to council this boy on confidence AND reality.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Chillax homeslice.
I've just been busy, it being finals and all. You gotta get a little more confident in yourself buddy. I totes foshe wanna convo. Where'd your mellow get harshed?

For some reason the dudes on this site go ape when I talk like a Juno screenwriter. I'm going to keep practicing this bizarre language. Maybe one day they'll be an entire website of kitty pics with captions in my words. A lady can only dream. I kind of hope he doesn't find me in real life and demand I love him.

Another "This guy..."

2008-04-24T10:01:00.001-07:00

You guessed it- he's into horror movies and fantasy fiction. This is a picture from Halloween. I guess he went as a Japan-obsessed, Trent Reznor-loving, Harry-Potter-ophile. He's going to cut himself, he really means it this time.

Inter-web Post-it 4(?)

2008-04-21T10:00:00.001-07:00

I buy most of my jeans from a grocery store.

2008-04-21T05:50:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAA!!!
I can't believe of the all pictures this dude had of himself he thought, "This one. This is the one that'll impress the ladies."

He's like German-glam rock man-pretty. I can see lots of candle-lit baths in our future.

2008-04-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

This guy

I had that haircut once.

aww, the sweetness

2008-04-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

=====Jerrybomb186 wrote=====
Hey what's up,

Now I am not Good at writing e-mails to strangers but bear with me. I read your profile and there was something about it that caught my eye. I am not quite sure what it is though. Maybe I just like the fact that you seem like such a free spirit and I have a feeling that there is more to you than meets the eye. So let's see if you're as interesting as your profile would lead me to believe.

I am willing to bet you a donut that you probably get 5,000 emails from old men who want to be your sugar daddy.

If that is the case then this e-mail should be *very* refreshing.

I am not one to talk about myself too much but I'm 21, 5'9 and I am funny.... Really funny, so if you don't like to laugh then we will have a problem! :)

Worst case scenario you seem like you would make an interesting friend. So we should definitely keep in touch and get some coffee or something.

Jerry
----------------------------------------------------------------

Sounds good.

I read your profile. Nice.

The saying, "the proof is in the pudding" (which you love so tenderly) has through time been shortened from its original statement of "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." The true value or quality of something can only be judged when it's been put to use, obviously. The reason the term came about to be used in such a way actually has to do with the way pudding is made. "Proofing" is the act of a food given time to rise. Chemical reactions over time produce gaseous emissions that expand the substance. The kind of pudding their referring to is not good ole Jell-o, but rather bread type puddings like Yorkshire or Blood which remind me of little buscuit/muffin/squishy things if they're done right. Proofing improves the quality of the pudding because it makes it more light and fluffy, but it is time consuming to wait for dough to rise, and more air-pockets to pock the interior of the treat. It's hard to tell by looking at a pudding if it's going to be of quality, thereby eating it is the only way to tell if it's been proofed long enough.

Just thought you'd like to know.

=====79498=====

Grade A douche-nozzle.

2008-04-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

"Look how fly I am with my hand me down beamer in front of a strip mall dentist and hair therapy studio. Ladies..."

So these are the kinds of people on the most recent website I joined. Stoked!!!

Guys are either really into football and Family Guy, or list "conformity" on their lists of turn-offs .

Can I borrow 5 bucks?

2008-04-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

I want this

My new profile at OkCupid.com

2008-04-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

My self-summary
Please don't try to talk to me about music. I live in a music-industry town, only that no one has actually "made it" but insists that they will. The only thing they achieve is a cool haircut and the sad kind of alcoholism. I once canoed through shark infested waters, which goes to say I'm up for anything excluding: traveling to L.A., meeting people from L.A., traditional Irish hurling, or kicking puppies. If you're into funny, I'm the lady of your dreams. I'd certainly rather laugh than be cool. I like to travel.I'm looking for someone who is kind of into dinosaurs. Like really into dinosaurs. Also, someone who won't barf on me or try to touch my feet without permission. I'm not afraid of you. What's your favorite dinosaur? Are you a good tipper? Have you ever watched Supermarket Sweepstakes and thought, "That could be us"?

What I'm doing with my life:
I'm getting a Master's degree and learning to ninja.
I'm really good at:
Being catty.
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:
Snappy dresser, novelty-big boobs.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food:
All Mexican...wow, that was easy.
The six things I could never do without:
Post-its and dinosaur stickers.
I spend a lot of time thinking about:
Dinosaurs. Gerunds.
On a typical Friday night I am:
Surfing the internet for more and more slash fic, drunk in an empty bathtub, or little finger on the trigger of a rifle at the tail end of a Russian roulette game...you know, daring myself.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit here:
I farted.
You should message me if:
You're into dinosaurs and your super hero friends can beat up my super hero friends (fat chance).

Oh shit....

2008-04-16T07:14:00.001-07:00

I found some:

http://www.okcupid.com/interests?i=erotic+fiction

Found a site to join

2008-04-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

I found a dating site geared strictly to Athens, GA singles and am debating whether or not to join it, find people I know, and whole-heartedly screw with them. I could also do this with the Creative Loafing site, which contains profiles I can only describe as "characters". On the other hand, I'm still searching for themed sites, specifically erotic slash fiction ie:

http://movies.adultfanfiction.net/

I want to meet the people who have eroticized The Santa Clause. I'm sure they've been required to introduce themselves to their neighbors, why not me?

Inter-web Post-it

2008-04-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

It reminds me of the crawlspace daddy use to lock me in to apologize to Jesus for being slutty.

By no means a subtle example of my non-existent maturity

2008-04-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

In my quest to find more non-porn related themed dating sites I've stumbled upon this little gem:

http://www.flat-d.com/products.html

What is it you say?

That would be a fart deodorizer. Why? 'Cuz yo' butt stank, son!

Here are some testimonials:
10-2007 Comments: Great product. I am capable of pressuring an aircraft with my wind. I have been to an allergist,changed my diet, and taken "Beano". Nothing has worked.But this is like a breath of fresh air(so to speak).Thanks -CO

9-2007 Your product REALLY helped me! THANK YOU!! It's so nice to know that I now have protection even when I'm in a meeting, riding in a car with other people or during a job interview!! I'm so happy with your product that I'm coming back for more. Glad to see you have more products available now. --K.A.T.

6-2007 I've been using the Flat-D charcoal pads for a few months now and they have virtually eliminated my flatulence problems. I use them in a pair of underwear that I wear over my regular underwear. That way I don't have to stick them on new underwear every day. I keep them in the same pair for about a week. Since the pads never touch my skin I don't have to wash them as frequently either. My husband used to complain all the time about the smell. He has a very sensitive nose. Now I never have to feel ashamed and embarassed again. I love this product! Sue

I know, I know; it still amazes me that people treat me like an adult on a regular basis.

So...

2008-04-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

I've lost interest in the millionaires. Maybe my brand of adorable only works on the chronically unemployed, unemployable, townies, and comic book geeks. Not getting responses like I used to on this site, so if anyone out there wants to suggest some theme dating sites I can join, you'd be super appreciated.

typical

2008-04-08T19:45:00.001-07:00

Interweb Post-it #3

2008-04-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

ВЛАСТИ.НЕТ

- [ Translate this page ]

Он назвал ее оргон (orgone), так как название “ humptricity” он оставил для своей будущей рок-группы. Он создал аккумуляторы оргона (ящики, изготовленные из ...

I love the fact that the only discernible word in this Google search is humptricity.

Interweb Post-it #2

2008-04-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

This is the stuff that white trash dreams are made of

BTW- the point of the interweb post-it is when I come across something poignant, funny, or practical and don't have an easily pocketed piece of paper and writing implement to remember it by, I can just jot 'er down right here. I tend to have internet access more readily than I do paper...which is sad, really. But I promise, this blog is going to mostly be about inter-dating millionaires, dinosaurs, and occasionally bad-mouthing people in such a way a google search would lead them here so they can really hear what-for and how-to. Onward...

Forward Romeo:

2008-04-06T15:58:00.000-07:00

Fortunate2000 from Stockbridge:
Simple is always better, I say. This guy sent me a brief "hey u," yesterday and I acknowledged him. He's the youngest of my millionaire suitors at 30, but the only one without a picture or detailed description of himself. This is what he's looking for body type wise from his potential lady loves:

"Petite; Slim; Athletic; Average; Stocky; A few extra pounds; Full-figured; Curvy; Large; Disabled"

Wait...disabled?

He gave me his cell phone number. He's going to be thoroughly disappointed when I call him with all my limbs.

interweb post-its

2008-04-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

if you’re not willing to accept an opportunity when someone is GIVING it to you, what happens if you actually one day have to work for it?

From the burly man

2008-04-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

This guy totally reminds me of my Dad: Bio-dad is this burly hippie type that kind of looks like the WolfMan from Gallery Furniture.

bigfun4you wrote: >> dear KT>? thats my cat flash.sometimes she likes to rub her face in my beard, thats why she climbed up on my shoulder>? i have some vegan friends and i can go with that kind of diet.even though i like chicken and pork? i almost never eat them. i think they are no longer farm animals but a kind of factory produce stimulated by antibiotics and hormones.i like raising a garden, really like fresh vegetables.as far as eating meat i dont eat much store bought meat.i like fish if im going to buy at the grocery.if your the hard core vegan you probably would dislike that i eat deer.we have had a population explosion here and the fish and game people have constantly been saying the population could get totally out of control if the harvest is not kept up.deeer eat all natural good things and arent like some factory animal.>? i gues the main thing i would tell you about me and matching is im l;ooking for someone to share my active lifestyle skiing kayaking windsurfing and other outdoor aventures.>? dont worry i wont touch your feet, and i probably wont ask to ...smiles>???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? thanks

H
_________________________________________________________

I think all conversations should revolve around cats and food. Here is my response:

My cat's name is Dillard. I found him outside of a mall in North Georgia. Phew. Vegans are weird. I've never eaten deer meat, but I have had alligator. I like lots of things. I have horrible balance, so I'm not very good at sliding type activities. But I like long walks and having adventures. What's the worst job you've ever had?

___________________________________________________________

I dig the lecture about meat and factory farm food. I bet his house smells like naga champa.

JP's Profile

2008-04-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

This is from the tall French Man (who claims is a 10 millionaire):

"A unique and exceptional single woman looking for the ONE. Losers, psycho and married people as well as members without pictures should not answer............. Women in Africa or women that need me to pay their bill should also skip me..............."

I like that he mentions his distaste for losers. Classy. But isn't a little ironic (damnit Alanis) that he has to meet people via the intertube and self-identifies as not a loser? His pictures display his affinity for nice suits, but I guess no one told him he should probably get his chin fat tucked.

Don't even get me started on his distaste for Africans. I assume he's referring to African-American type Africans but didn't want to sound too racist. Maybe he realizes that there are Caucasians in Africa, as well as a myriad of other races and just had a bad experience in the motherland, what with the heat and disease and blood-thirsty animals. Doubt it.

Then again...this man is on a site geared towards finding ladies interested in men for their money. Substance not always required when one can buy you a gold plated toilet. I should anticipate shallowness, since people with money rarely have to face the consequences of inappropriateness. This man's only friend is his mirror.

The outdoorsy type

2008-04-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

ive been looking for someone fun to do things like canoeing,but not necessarily in shark infested waters... smiles imsuperintotheoutdoors@aolsmell.com surfnupinyou at wahoo messenger thanks H ----------- So I liked this guy's profile. Again, he could've been my Dad. But at least he isn't so tall and French. His picture is of him and his cat, which I absolutely love. He mentions a desire for someone who is "physically capable" which can only mean he's given up dating cripples. I decided to talk to him about his cat. It seemed like the flirty thing to do.Cute- I like that you have your cat in your picture. I love my kitty, too. They're such intelligent and insightful creatures. Are you vegan? KT

The first

2008-04-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

Love your profile. My name is JP*. I am a tall, sexy, sensuous, good looking and very successful French man 45 living in South Florida. I am romantic and passionate and looking for the ONE. I am for real and expect the same. Travel a lot. If interested and still available, email back with a picture and more on you at *********, I will do the same in return.

Love, JP

*will do my best at hiding the identity of these folks as much as possible. Millionaires need love and privacy too.

________________________________________

Who isn't all about a tall and sexy Frog? Especially one that could be my father. I think we'll probably do sexy things, and I might have to wear heels or stilts since the most important thing this man has decided to reveal about himself is his height. He could fetch tons of cans and economy packs of mustard from the top shelves at my Wal-Mart. This could definately be amore. It certainly means cheese.

Here is my e-mail to him:

JP,
Hey there darlin', so what is it that you do that makes you so tall and successful?

KT

---------------------------------

We'll see how this flies.